Top 5 People I’m just so sick of hearing about in the news.

I’ve had it up to here (you can’t see me but its very high) with the crap I have to hear about people I don’t care about; whom more often than not, make more money than I do.

I usually get my news from very quick sources. During the week, most of the news I receive comes frommy local Hip-Hop station’s “5 Things”. The station basically provides 5 news stories daily, so you have something to talk about at work (shout out to Wild 94.1). The same station has an 8 o’clock entertainment news segment which gives me the who and what of Hollywood (sometimes I don’t really care, as you will tell when I finish this post). They review this week’s movies and blockbusters, or which diva spewed thisweek’s scandal (thanks to Carlos Diaz, & Extra ). Then there is my faceBook page with updates from my friends, and my twitter page (this is actually how I first heard about MJ passing). On occasion, I’ll watch about 5 minutes of TV news.

However, I’m getting way off subject. This is my Top 5 list of people I’m tired of hearing about almost everyday. These people make more money than I do and frankly, I don’t think they add to the human condition at all. In fact, if we are being watched by higher beings they (the Top 5) have radically brought down our Global IQ.

Number 5: Kim Jong Il : Oh no, wait! That’s real news. I don’t mind hearing about him since he possibly could have the ability to make me glow in the dark. Let’s try this again.

Number 5: Kim Kardashian

Yes, I get it, she’s pretty, she made a sex tape, her family is entertaining (in their stupidity) and people want to be her. Wait! Hold on….do people seriously want to be her? Now of my list, she’s the least person I can’t stand. I just wish I didn’t have to hear about her breaking up with Reggie Bush and then getting back together with him; on and on. Not to mention (really? not to mention? isn’t that ridiculous to say right before you mention it?) being subjected to the lives of her and her sisters. I’d really like to take a moment to thank Hollywood for reality TV. If I were ever in a coma, maybe someone could turn the T.V. in my room on to reality tv shows, then I might actually pass away faster instead of lingering on for years.

Number 4: Lindsay Lohan

Seriously, she’s made more money in her short lifetime than I probably will ever make in mine. So shefollowed the path of Drew Barrymore (don’t get me wrong I love Drew). So now, isn’t it time for her pull her head out of her ass and take it easy for a while? Then she can bust back on the scene and be re-made. I mean really, she’s what.. 23? And I know more about her and her drinking and drugging than I ever wanted to. Not to mention her on again off again relationship with Samantha Ronson. Over it. Andnow I have to listen to her taking her underage sister out to party. Just shut up already Lohan and while you’re at it, can you keep your mother quiet also?

Why are they one instead of 2 separate numbers, you ask? Well simply because people refer to them as Spidey, which I would make a comment about, but I feel it’s so dumb that no one in their right mind would think it’s cool. They’d by my number one and 2 if there wasn’t 2 other people I’ve grown so sick of hearing about. They’ve managed to pollute the TV and Radio with more utter trash and nonsense than any other Faux-lebrity (besides my one and 2). Between Heidi’s bad music and her AWESOME (sarcasm) clothing line and Spencer’s uselessness and dickishness, I’m about to poke my eyes and ear with pencils so I never have to hear or see them again. And yes I know I can turn the channel and stop reading, but really, aren’t their 15 minutes up yet? They are nobodies and I feel dumber everyday I have to hear anything that someone defines as News about them.

Number 2: Jon Gosselin

We know you are a victim, ridden like a thoroughbred by that crazy ass wife of yours. Oh wait! No! You’re a Douche Bag! You sit around on your show and do absolutely nothing. No wait! Sorry, you’re ok. Youjust want the show to be over because the kids are suffering. Uhm damn, Douche Bag again! You want to start your own reality show despite the claims that you wanted out of the first one? No wait! You’re ok again. That wife of yours just has it out for you. Damn! Sorry, Douche bag again! You’ve been hopping around town with your new girlfriend(s) with your dumb ass Ed Hardy Tees on thinking you are the man.No wait! Sorry, again! The kids! It’s all about the kids! I know Jon, you’re right, you are there for them. Shite, I have to go with Douche Bag. FInal answer Regis.

Listen you where young when you had the first two then you and your dumbass wife decided Hey! Let’sget preggers again and bam, 6! Did you try for six so the name of the show would rhyme? Serioulsy, you have kids, act like a freaking adult. I mean I’ve watched the show (sadly I admit). Your wife comes off as a bitch (and I think she is one), but did you think your behavior once you jump ship was gonna garnish you favor from anyone but other deadbeats and assholes? I get that all families go through tough times,and not everyone makes it. But do I have to hear about it every freaking day? Listen, you are a DOUCHE BAG! Live with it and find some small corner of the planet to argue with your wife where we don’t have to hear about it. If you jump in front of a bullet meant for the Pope tomorrow the headlines would still read “Douche Bag Jon Gosselin saves Pope” (but that might partially be because some people don’t like his holiness. But mainly it’s because you wear the douche pants in the family). Personally I want to thank you for scaring your kids for life. THANKS.

Listen lady, you came off as a Bitch on the show. And yes being someone who can edit film and recordings its very possible that the editors of J&K plus Hate made you look like one. But it is so obvious that they couldn’t have created all those moments without your help as a BITCH. Everything that happen prior to recent [ air quote] News, paints you as a money hungry fame adoring BITCH. The only reason you got a reprieve from that is that, well, frankly your husband’s a DOUCH BAG (see number 2). Mr. Douchey Mc Doucherton made you look like a freaking saint but we all know you aren’t. I really just want you and your husband to find some place else to fight this out. Like maybe IN YOUR PRIVATE LIVES. Oh wait you sold those along with your kids private lives down the river for 75,000 pieces of silver.

Listen, I’ve decided to sue you for 100 thousand dollars. Why? Well, mainly because that’s what we dohere in America when we have mental anguish pressed on us by another. However, the other reason I want to is because in 20 years when one of the boys from your 6 kid litter meets me in a dark alley and clubs me to death for the money in my pocket thanks to his mommy and daddy issues being plastered on the TV internationally, at least he’ll be stealing money I got from his mom instead of my hard earned money.